It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
