R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
