I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
