How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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