On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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