no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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