mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
