So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
