And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is wine microwaveable?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
