it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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