she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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