I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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