just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
