I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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