Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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