I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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