My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
