I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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