its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
