Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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