When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize