Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
