the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
