I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
