i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize