I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
