I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
