Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
