She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
