I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
