I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
