Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
