My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
