My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
