Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
