I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
