I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
