i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
