I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
