i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
