so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
