If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
