is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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