Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
