Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
