what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize