That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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