Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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