I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
