I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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