god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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