There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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