Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
