he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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