I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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