You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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