i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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