He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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