I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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