please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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