no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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