I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
love makes seman taste better
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
