WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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