Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its not stalking. its research.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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