He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
