I like to think it a success when the cops are called
one might say we're banned from that church
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
