Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
