are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
