The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
