pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
