the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Alive.
So much puke
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
