I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
