her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
