if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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