we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You made out with two different species that night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
