First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
