so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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