That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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