do herpes really smell.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
