Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
