dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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