Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
