Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
