Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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