I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
