He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Two words: nipple clamps
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