we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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