but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
