Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
