Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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