If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
