Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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