I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
