U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
