my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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