i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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