I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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