I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
