I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
