I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
