a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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