shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
