I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
