he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
