Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
