shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
