I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
