It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
