Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
