Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
