i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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