Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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