Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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