butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
