Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
