my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
