Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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