PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
